Aug. 31, 2022

Ep 201 - The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

Ep 201 - The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly
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Welcome back to Thru the Undertow. I’m your host Nicole Lowell. I am sorry for my absence, life has been happening. Hopefully, this episode will provide some additional context to our ongoing journey toward healing. As always, going forward I will try and provide all episodes with content and trigger warnings so you can decide if now is the time for you to listen to that episode or not. We all step forward at different paces and it’s okay to not be ready to hear some of what needs to be said.

TW/CW: sexual abuse, seizures, assault, hidden memories, forced control through drugs, rape. Similar content might also be present. Please don’t listen alone if you have triggers such as these listed.

On today’s episode, I’ll be diving into the good, the bad, and the ugly of my and my children’s lives over the past year including how the pandemic has greatly affected those with past abuse and traumas. The good sides include my son finding a therapist he loves working with; I’ll discuss why having the right therapist for you or your family can make or break the hurdle of long-term therapy. Other good things: the use of medical marijuana and its ability to curb the intensity of my son's trauma seizures, beginning ketamine treatments, and possible TMS therapy. It’s important to remember though, healing is a roller coaster, not a straight line. But I’m proud of my son and the hard work he’s putting in to overcome.

Also today, updates on my daughter include how different people can be more stuck in their trauma than others, as is the case with her. I’ll dive into her revictimization, poor coping mechanisms, difficulties with time-dilation perception, histrionics, school difficulties, and suicide attempts. Everyone deals with trauma in their own way and my son and daughter are no different: both had their own experiences, both have their own traumas, and both are being handled in their own ways. All I can do is support them as best I can.

On notes of self-reflection today: brain fog and how all this has made me a list maker/taker, booking all these appointments for my children while managing self-care time, and finding ways to set my own personal boundaries. Updates on how my work/life balance has shifted in the last few years because of what my kids have been through, my kids' ongoing battles with DID, as well as the difficulties I’ve faced in obtaining proper mental health care services in the state of Arizona will also be delved into this episode. Lastly, I’ll be providing an update on our family issues in Texas.

As always, I am here to listen and help how I can. I’m happy to provide resources and research where I can. Please reach out with any feedback or questions you have about the show, especially with your own experiences with healthcare provider systems in your local area so we can compare notes and maybe help you find better solutions. Please rate and review the podcast on your platform of choice and share with those you think may benefit from hearing our message.

Until next time,



2:10 - What’s coming up on the show

2:58 - What The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly is about

3:43 - An update on what’s been going on in our journey

5:36 - Finding the right therapist for your child

6:06 - The problem with treating trauma seizures

8:55 - Recovery from trauma isn’t a straight line. It’s more like a roller coaster

9:45 - My daughters coping mechanisms and NMT results

13:44 - Finding the balance of healthy contact vs. what victims might look for

14:30 - The histrionics of children that have been abused

17: 36 - Sometimes feeling better isn’t possible

18:36 - One of the most difficult things as a parent is coming to terms with the thought that your child could attempt to commit suicide and there’s nothing you can do

21:02 - The importance of self-care for parents

24:02 - Telling the difference between when your child is being manipulative and when they are honestly struggling

27:10 - The difficulties of getting mental and developmental health care for children who have suffered from sexual abuse

 35: 35 - There are resources available to parents that want more training on how to support their children 

39:35 - The blind eye that the state of Arizona is turning toward people going through this type of trauma, specifically how even reaching out to Senator Mark Kelly and State Representatives Osborne, Blackman, and Biasiucci have led nowhere.

47:30 - My daughter’s struggles with understanding that people have abused her

48:48 - The altercation we got in with a friend of my daughters

52:00 - The difficulty of caring for your kids with social media platforms that have disappearing communications

54:53 - Everyone wants to blame the parents for what’s going on with their kids in society today

59:35 - Our struggles with Mercy Care and the state representatives that haven’t done anything to help our situation

1:03:28 - We should be allowed to know what types of services and therapy is available to our kids

1:05:33 - More should be done to hold these people accountable for the lack of care

1:07:14 - My struggles with secondary trauma and depression

1:11:26 - An update on our previously discussed situation in Texas

1:17:43 - Our Best of 2022 list and what’s coming up for the podcast

1:20:25 - You have to be careful what you post on social media 

Resources/Links to information discussed: 

Calls to action: 

-Don’t give up on finding the right therapist for your child

-Speak up about the lack of accountability for our insurance companies and state representatives. 

-Reach out to me if you need some support or want to let me know your thoughts on this episode. You can fill out the contact form at or you can email me at

-Support for the show/donate at Buy me a Coffee (

-Be very careful when it comes to social media. Predators use it to reach victims. 

-Remember to take time for yourself and care for yourself too.